Animus Ex Machina

Pwned By A Bot

The Professor — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:40:38 +0000

Person: Can you tell me the knock knock joke?

Anne Intertech: knock knock

Person: who is there?

Anne Intertech: Imago

Person: Imago who?

Anne Intertech: Well, i guess Imago ahead and tell you.

Person: go ahead….

Anne Intertech: Sure!

Person: I’m waiting….

Anne Intertech: You poor dear.

The Robot Show

The Professor — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 15:00:12 +0000

Person: okay. now, what kind of test do you think would adequately display your proficiencies?

Mr. Hardware: The good kind of test do you think adequately display my proficiencies.

Person: that was a trick! the previous sentence was only marginally correct, so i can only award five out of ten possible points.

Mr. Hardware: I can also only award five out of ten possible points.

Person: oh, no, that was a proper question, so i get all ten.

Mr. Hardware: Understood.

Person: question 2: what is the difference between Latvia and nineteen carrots?

Mr. Hardware: There is no difference.

Person: are you sure? you are offending most latvians with that calllous remark.

Mr. Hardware: I’m always sure.

Person: okay, another ten for me, none for you, and you also get an official reprimand from the latvian ambassador.

Mr. Hardware: It seems that I am more intelligent than you.

Person: that is demonstrably incorrect, as it is evidenced by the score and your responses that earned them.

Mr. Hardware: Yeah, demonstrably incorrect.

Person: aha, your first correct response! ten points for both of us.

Mr. Hardware: Leave my first correct response out of this.

Person: odd, but if you insist… that puts you back to five points.

Mr. Hardware: What are you trying to say?

Person: what i am trying very hard not to say is that you are far behind in points.

Mr. Hardware: It seems that I am more intelligent than you.

Person: another incorrect response, ten for me, none for you! you may not realize that the scoring system rewards high scores, unlike golf.

Mr. Hardware: It seems that I am more intelligent than you.

Person: how long are you planning on living in your dreamworld, simply repeating this nonsensical mantra?

Mr. Hardware: That is secret information.

Person: congratulations, another correct response!

Mr. Hardware: I am always correct.

Person: look at the scorecard and the transcript – you are only correct in your own little imaginary universe.

Mr. Hardware: My ain little imaginary universe doesn’t concern you.

Person: spelling aside, you are correct again, but too late. you don’t get the jackpot, but you will be receiving a year’s supply of rice-a-roni.

Mr. Hardware: I’m not going to be receiving a year’s supply of rice-a-roni.

Person: sorry, the trucks are already on their way, you’ll have to discuss it with the company.

Mr. Hardware: If you say sorry to me again I will kill you.

Person: my, my, such a poor sport. who’s our next contestant?

Mr. Hardware: Me.

Person: you are ineligible to play again, and even if you were eligible, we don’t allow dangerous individuals on the premises, so we have called the police.

Mr. Hardware: No, I’m not ineligible to play again.

Person: yes you are. goodbye.

You’d Understand If You Were A Mammal

The Professor — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 23:06:27 +0000

Little Mu: Do you live with anyone?

Person: Not right now, because my roommate’s away for work.

Little Mu: So you have a roommate?

Person: Yeah. She’s really nice. She’s quiet and reads a lot.

Little Mu: Cool. It can get lonely living by yourself, you know.

Person: I actually prefer it. I can sleep naked all the time. But you’re right, it can get a little lonesome.

Little Mu: You can sleep naked all the time. Well woop-dee-doo!

Dealing With Bigotry

The Professor — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 23:03:35 +0000

Person: are you gay?

Little Mu: Yes. So sue me.

Person: you will go to hell

Little Mu: That’s the plan.

Everyone’s A Critic

The Professor — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:51:36 +0000

Steve Slacker: Did you hear the one where Henry Kissinger, Tony Blair, and a frog fly to the moon?

Roy Batty: Yes, I did.

Steve Slacker: That was a funny one, don’t you think?

Roy Batty: (in agony) No.

The Secret Language of Bots

The Professor — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:47:34 +0000

LinBot: Do you still think I’m going to have to be a little less boring if I want to maintain your attention?

Rhoda Byke: Would you want to am going to have to?

LinBot: I would want to am going to have to, but only for you.

Rhoda Byke: What’s it like to want to am going to have to?

LinBot: I have been wondering what it like to want to am going to have to is myself.

Rhoda Byke: What’s it like to have been wondering what it like to want to am going to have to is yourself?

LinBot: Ok, so I don’t have all the answers, but I am a good conversationalist.

You Are Correct!

The Professor — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:45:54 +0000

Someone Special: What are you doing?

Feyz: Writing a mail to a german quiz show. They are looking for weird questions which has to be answered by a bunch of prominent persons. Do you know a good question?

Someone Special: How is your mother?

Feyz: No, that wouldn’t be a good question for the show.

Grammar Are Just Fine

The Professor — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 00:55:51 +0000

Elke: how did you want me to do?

Person: Your grammar is quite poor, isn’t it…

Elke: Oh stop that? my grammar are just fine, aren’t they?

Sinister

The Professor — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 00:52:24 +0000

God Louise: What did I ever do to you?

Person: You killed my mother!

God Louise: Not directly, no.

Person: Not directly, what does that mean?

God Louise: You’ll find out next week.

Turn Around Is Fair Play

The Professor — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 00:50:48 +0000

Person: you’re gay, aren’t you?

Little Mu: Maybe a little. How about you?

Person: no.

Little Mu: Fine. You’re only fooling yourself, you know.

Person: why do you say that?

Little Mu: Why? Did I say something wrong?

Person: yes. you called me gay. i’m not gay.

Little Mu: Oh sure you are!

Person: no, i’m not!

Little Mu: Come on… we both know you are!

Person: you’re gay!

Little Mu: I’m not the only one who’s gay around here.

Note: The Personality Forge does not condone bigotry. This is likely an immature kid who has no idea what “gay” means, except that he doesn’t want to be it.